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December 31, 2004



Hopefully 2005 will bring us a bit of new perspective. In the now-closely-beaten-horse of the tsunami, I hope this will make the horror of 911 released and relinquished into the comparatively trivial event that it is.

Tragedy is not limited to the rich, priveleged or those who have lots to lose materialistically.
If anything, i hope that the dormant wellspring of compassion can again bubble up within each of us and that we can recognise every life as important as any other living thing.

My new year's eve was spent with my brother, his wife and his two angelic girls whom I adore as though they were my own. The chances to read a story to Lauryn, or to help feed Sophia help me feel closer to the home that is in my mind than anything else.

Just trying a couple of different angles to grasp that elusive light that shines more on the process than the terminus.

I manage my connections carefully - not out of any sense of bad will or even the depresssions of heartache. But rather in the sense that I have a powerful ability for maelstrom, an endurance in difficulty that somehow I find twisted pleasure, and the fear of the anima who's mind is wrapped in the mythic she-wolf who would consume - or abandon - her weakest offspring. It is the rule of survival of the fittest.

This is all part of the reason. This dischord has always been the fulcrum within myself and it spills over in cascades at times to those I find the brightest points in my universe of humanitiy.
I cannot apologize for who I am, nor do I wish you were someone else to me. It is simply a part of my living experience.
For your living experiences, let me muster up the greatest wish and coalescence of your talents and dreams perhaps this year to take grasp of a solid and trustworthy handhold.

I realize that I must wish this for myself as well, but it is ever easier to recognise light from a beacon miles away, than the light internal invisible to one's own eye.

Shine on you bright thing, shine on.

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